Calling the Stitches

Editor's note: this was supposed to be a photo-rich post, but Blogger is eating my uploading attempts. Since I just want to move on, here it is, photo-less. I promise some when I can.

While beginning the lace scarf that constitutes my entry into the Knitting Olympics, a litany of the kind of sports commentary that makes me not such a fan of televised sports ran through my head. [I cannot be the only Knithlete doing this, but I don't have time to blog troll to find who has done it first, and funnier than I have.]

Commentator 1: "We see her now, holding the needles for casting on. Notice that the yarn is a two-ply, fairly thin laceweight alpaca."

Commentator 2: "Yes, alpaca. And look! She's using a knit-on cast on. Why do you think she's using that rather than another cast on?"

Commentator 1: "Well, she could have used a long-tail cast on and a larger needle, but she either wants the elasticity provided by a knit-on cast on, or she wants the bind off to match the beginning edge."

Commentator 2: "She's reaching the end of the garter stitch rows. If you've just joined us, garter stitch is knitting each row, front and back sides. Now, she's. . . oh, she's placing markers. Yes, she's using markers to indicate the beginning of each pattern repeat, plus the edge stitches."

Commentator 1: "We understand that many of the knithletes find markers an invaluable aid when keeping pattern repeats, such as lace repeats or cables, in order."

Commentator 2: "She looks like she's in trouble. She's counting the stitches as she works the wrong side in purl, and she's. . . She's off by one stitch!" Does this mean the end of her Olympic hopes?"

Commentator 1: "No, see, she's taken the time to place a lifeline. That's a thread running along the stitches. See, she's tearing back to the line and beginning again. They can be a real lifesaver, heh heh, when a knitter finds a mistake."

Commentator 2: "Why is she having such a hard time keeping this, let's be frank, fairly simple lace pattern straight?"

Commentator 1: "While she doesn't get many extra points for pattern difficulty, she's really raking in the bonus points for level of knitting environment hazards. Seriously, she has four children, one of whom is a stuffy-nosed baby, a house that needs vacuuming on average every 20 minutes, and quite frankly, she's not that focused a knitter anyhow."

Commentator 2: "Well, it's the personal challenge that counts here, anyway. Thank goodness for those stitch markers."

Confession time. I crack myself up. Since I'm not a great knitter, I find my mind wandering, and often it sounds like a bad Monty Python episode. Those stitch markers, however, are just no joke. In my house, they're the color of love, because they're made specially for me by Thing 1. She started a business making and selling stitch markers last year, and I'm continually surprised and delighted at her color sense and whimsy. Knitters in our town have been snapping them up. [Commercial time -- email me and ask how you can get your very own $6.00 U.S. three-marker set. I'll act as an agent!] As I said, photos later.

I did manage to watch a little bit of the competition coverage last night -- the snowboarding was new to me. As my spouse says, it's a "Hey, dude" sport. Thanks to Nona for her link to a dictionary. She cracked me up today -- go and look! Maybe I'll understand more the next time I watch.

Only 10 more repeats of the pattern, and I'm done. I just might make it. If I don't go reading what other bloggers are doing, that is.